EMBRACING THE FEARS OF RACING

Perhaps the greatest deterrent to racing is fear.  Once we embrace our fear, racing is transformed from dangerous to joyful.  The two most common sources are uncertainty and pain.  As we gain familiarity with uncertainty and pain – as we befriend them – we can choose another more empowering response than fear.

Training and racing: What distinguishes one from the other?  Training is akin to rehearsal; racing is akin to performance.  In rehearsal, we stop and start, repeat certain sections, break things down into smaller, simpler increments.  We practice drills and conduct interval sessions.  We are allowed the element of discontinuity – we can pause to rest and examine and repeat.  Rehearsals and training sessions are unencumbered by audience and expectations.  However, in races and performances, we strive for uninterrupted continuity and perfection, while in the presence of others.  For this, we must eschew the security and familiarity we enjoy while training.

On race day, our energy and anticipation are piqued after months – perhaps years – of preparation and rehearsal for the big event.  We wade into the water and put on our geeky little goggles and swim caps feeling at least a little nervous.  Some of us are downright terrified.  It’s like we are cowering behind the stage curtain, about to be exposed.

Like the moth drawn to the flame, we are drawn to racing by one of the very same elements that elicit our fear – uncertainty.  For those of us attempting a triathlon for the first time – or a longer distance race than ever before – we are uncertain of enduring to the finish line.  Entering the water for the swim feels like the start of a death march.  There is a part of us that will die today – the part that doubts we can do this.  Seasoned vets at this race distance are facing the uncertainty of producing a personal record.  Despite all the preparation, we just do not know how our race will turn out.

Yet, uncertainty is the sweet nectar that sparks our aliveness – both in athletic performance and in our mundane everyday lives.  We may invest lots of money, energy and time attempting to eliminate uncertainty from our lives, grasping for security, but ultimately all of these attempts fail.  Change is inevitable.  Everything is impermanent – including our human lives.  Without uncertainty, mystery and change in our lives, we stagnate.  We are as good as dead.  If we knew ahead of time exactly how our race will turn out, or how our lives will progress and end, we probably would not bother training – let alone get out of bed each day. 

If we choose to welcome and embrace the mysteries of change and uncertainty, we are like children filled with hope and promise, gathered around a Christmas tree strewn with wrapped gifts that spark intense curiosity and anticipation.  We are drawn to racing – at least in part – by the wonderful elements of mystery and uncertainty.  We seek to discover the promise hidden within.  Whether we judge the results as good or bad, the promise is that we can grow and learn from the experience.

We cannot – nor should we – eliminate the mystery and uncertainty of our lives.

Rather, we can learn to welcome uncertainty, to use it as a powerful tool for growth in athletic performance and everyday life.  Let’s explore this athletic opportunity, and then consider how it may carry over into other areas of our lives.

As we train our bodies to function efficiently and gracefully for the duration of our goal races we can train our minds to function efficiently and gracefully in the presence of uncertainty and to curb our fear response.  We first build a foundation of aerobic base.  We strengthen our metabolic and muscular function by increasing capillary and mitochondrial density (as well as bone density).  We train our bodies to burn fat more efficiently and at higher levels of intensity while conserving glycogen.  This metabolic training requires patience and consistency as we morph our bodies.  This metamorphosis empowers us with the physical capacity to endure the distance.  Building aerobic base also builds psychological confidence and familiarity, alleviating some of that uncertainty.

There is however a fine line between building adequate aerobic base – appropriate for the distance of our racing goals – and enslaving ourselves to endure massive quantities of base miles and hours in a vain attempt to quell the ego’s fear of uncertainty.  Riding 112 miles every Saturday morning – rain or shine, fatigue-be-damned – for months on end just to assure oneself, “Yeah, I can still do it” is not an efficient and effective way to train for the iron-distance.  This kind of obsession leads to long-term burnout, family and occupational neglect and overall misery – not to mention a slow bike split.

Effective, intelligent athletic training is not a panacea for the fear of uncertainty.  There is no panacea!  Security is an illusion.  Just as health insurance does not assure us of good health, we cannot eliminate uncertainty.  Instead, when the fear arises, we welcome and embrace uncertainty; we marvel at the mystery of what we don’t know.  Uncertainty stimulates our curiosity and heightens our sensitivity and awareness.  As racing athletes, we make the conscious choice in our lives to seek out uncertainty – especially when we choose unfamiliar races, new distances and new formats.

With experience and self-honesty, we learn to discern intelligent training from fear-driven training.  We train with clear intention and strong desire – however, we must also train without attachment to our future results.  Detachment empowers us with accurate discernment.  One of the greatest benefits of a good coach is the detachment that allows her/him to accurately discern the effectiveness of our training regime.

As we train, we will experience fears, doubts and anxieties.  The most effective way to deal with them is to disengage from them.  Fears, doubts and anxieties are simply byproducts of our mental training – just as lactic acid is a byproduct of physical training.  In both cases, we strengthen our ability to process the byproducts and eliminate them at progressively higher levels of intensity.  During interval training, we push our limits then pause for recovery.  Similarly, when we recognize our fear response, we can pause, disengage and relax – reminding ourselves that uncertainty is a wonderful asset in our lives that heightens our senses and our mental clarity.

On race day, a great asset for transforming fear into acceptance and peace is gratitude.  As we arrive and prepare for each race, we affirm all that we are grateful for – family, health, home, athletic equipment, this day, safe and successful training that has delivered us to the starting line, the nutrition we enjoy each day and the divine guidance we receive in our training and in day-to-day life.  We triathletes are so very, very fortunate.  Less than one-tenth of one percent of the world’s population enjoys the health, wealth and freedom, or the cultural and family support that enables us to pursue our athletic dreams.  We are fortunate for the opportunity to push beyond our perceived limits and boundaries – as athletes and as ordinary human beings.

As we register for our race and set up our transition, we can gratefully acknowledge our competitors in this race with smiles and greetings, offering support and encouragement to all.  Humor and kindness can go a long way to melt the ice of fear for all of us.  Enjoy the embrace of companionship as we gather together for the start – especially at large venue races, with thousands of athletes.  Are these folks our opponents or our companions?  If they are opponents, the odds are stacked high against us.  If they are our companions, we are bathing in a sea of support that will carry us through effortlessly.

Our other common fear in racing is pain.  We are conditioned to avoid pain and to pursue pleasure.  Both are neurological stimuli, but we judge one as good, the other as bad.  As we let go of these judgments, we begin to examine the true essence of our neuro stimuli.  Effective training is a balanced cycle of stress, recovery and adaptation.  Each of these three elements is necessary if we want to gain strength and endurance.  Pain informs us of the location, degree and quality of stress we are encountering.  If we perceive the pain stimulus clearly and accurately – without avoidance, judgment or fear – we can accurately discern whether this pain is caused by “healthy” or truly detrimental stress.  This is a valuable asset for effective training.

As athletes, we have numerous opportunities to disengage from our judgments and fears, to explore the true nature of pain.  Part of our training is the physical and mental conditioning to be present with our pain without resisting.  As you perform hard-driving hill intervals on the bike or endure a long run, you will certainly experience pain.  Notice your physical response: Do you tense other parts of your body, or contort your face into a grimace?  Consciously strive to relax all the muscles of your body that are not required for the task of pushing up the hill or running the distance.

Responding to pain with muscular and joint tension is far more likely to cause injury than the actual hill interval or long run.  It is an inefficient use of energy that is detrimental to your efficient and graceful form.  Races are performances.  “Performance” can be defined as the perfection of form.  If we respond to pain with physical tension and mental disassociation, then the grace, efficiency, economy and speed of our swim, bike or run form deteriorates. 

Training is a rehearsal – our opportunity to relax and recompose ourselves as the pain of our stress builds, to recondition our response to pain.  We train our bodies to let go of physical tensions and resistance as we train our minds to accurately and intimately observe pain without disassociating and running away.  We remain physically and mentally calm and relaxed in the presence of pain, without complicating it.  It is a powerful asset for our most challenging races, and for the most challenging and painful moments of our lives, when we experience great physical, mental and emotional pain.  As athletes we learn to respond appropriately, rather than complicating our experiences with fear, judgment and avoidance.

Our athletic “training-rehearsals” and “racing-performances” are empowering opportunities in our lives.  As athletes, we clearly choose to create and orchestrate the cycle of stress, recovery and adaptation in order to gain fitness.  We can clearly see our choice in this athletic process, so we can begin to see the same choice in our everyday lives.  When we encounter stressful situations in our daily lives, we are less likely to judge them negatively, to blame others or to victimize ourselves.  We are empowered to accept and embrace these stressful situations as opportunities for building spiritual fitness.  Without the encumbrance of fear and judgment, we can masterfully orchestrate these life situations as successful cycles of stress, recovery and adaptation and truly enjoy genuine spiritual fitness.

An edited version of this essay originally appeared in Inside Triathlon Magazine, July 2007