---JUNE
19, 2007---
RESETTING THE MATRIX---
I’m very
content today just to sit in my dark little room – hot as it is
– propped up on the bed, composing this blog. It’s
recovery time. I ran 18 hilly miles this morning in the
sun and heat. Recovery often inspires introspection for
me.
In the last
entry I wrote about “resetting the energy matrix” after crashing
on my bike. (If you have not read that entry, it might
help.) More and more I realize how powerful that energy
matrix is for each of us, athletic or not. It determines
so much of our lives, our destinies.
The energy
matrix I refer to is comprised of the resonating frequency of
your neuro system. This frequency is both uniquely
individual and universally collective. In other words,
each of us resonates individually, yet we share some resonant
energetic qualities. These include the resonance of our
planet, the resonance of the geographic place we live in, the
human community and culture we live in, our families,
co-workers, etc. As individuals, our diet, exercise,
emotional constitution and personality all affect our energy
matrix.
If we choose
to be unconscious of our matrix, the frequency we vibrate at may
seem to fluctuate randomly. With awareness, we can
cultivate, strengthen and harmonize our frequency. Just
like raising a child or tending a garden, we are working with a
living, breathing, conscious entity. Since our individual
matrices overlap one another, since we share certain energetic
qualities, we do affect one another with our energetic states,
either beneficially or detrimentally.
Does this
sound a little “new age” to you? There is a certain
mystique to this energy matrix thing, an alchemy, if you will.
This is what fascinates me the most – there is so much to
discover here, in this vast mystery. Training and
developing your energy matrix is as much art as it is
science – just like athletic training. Athletic training
has a profound impact on your energy matrix. Diet,
thoughts and emotions also impact that matrix profoundly – that
resonance of your neuro system. In short, each nuance of
our lives makes an impact. In every aspect of our lives,
we have choice.
Zendurance
is the mindful approach to endurance athletics – an approach
that truly enhances the strength and harmony of our energy
matrix and our overall health. (I have to keep reminding
myself that this is the real purpose for the multi-sport
lifestyle, not how many podiums I can climb.) Hitting that
pickup truck on my bike was a strong way of re-orienting myself.
Being a balanced, healthy human being is the first priority;
athletic glory is subordinate. What initially appeared as
self-sabotage was just a “graceful” way of bringing myself back
to this simple truth.
The 12 days
between impact and half-iron race were a crucial lesson.
Impacting the truck put some cracks in my matrix, for sure.
The path to re-harmonizing that matrix was a fascinating
alchemy. The most important component for me was kinetic
activity – endurance athletic training and T’ai chi.
Movement is a very powerful tool, when we are mindful of how we
wield it. Each T’ai chi session helps to deeply calm my
neuro energy matrix. These sessions are usually 20-30
minutes in length. Athletic workouts range from 30 minutes
to 6 hours in length. They also help to calm the matrix,
but more so, help with endurance and stamina – the ability to
maintain a healthy, harmonious resonance through stressful and
demanding situations. (Don’t forget, as athletes, we
definitely train the endurance, strength and speed of our
neurological systems, as well as the muscular and metabolic.)
In summary,
I credit my recovery to race Mooseman to the power of mindful
movement. The 56-mile bike-ride 5 days after impact was a
reawakening of my “matrix endurance”. The high-intensity
bike-run session less than 48 hours after impact was the first
“defibrillation”, in much the same way that a cardiac arrest
needs defibrillation. It was a “shock” with positive
consequences. The intention behind each athletic training
session leading up to Mooseman was first and foremost to restore
that energy matrix I had so carefully crafted in the previous 5
months. It worked.
It still
works. Our first priority as endurance athletes is to use
our kinetic craft for developing our energy matrices.
Others can and will directly benefit from the strength, harmony
and integrity of our resonance. (We and they may not even
recognize it, but its true.)
I hope this
entry inspires you a little more to explore the mystery, the
alchemy and the spirituality of your athleticism. There is
so much heart and reward in it, especially as we generously
share our energy with one another.
Have a
healthy, holy, happy and harmonious summer. See you at the
races!
---JUNE
6, 2007---
FINDING
BALANCE
I apologize
for the long sabbatical. Chalk it up to “Life in America”:
We get so caught up in our projects and tasks that we neglect
that inner reflection. Actually, the reflection is
ongoing, but my commitment to share it here lapsed.
Since I am
“aging up” this year, I hope to climb a podium or two. Oh
no, not to satisfy my ego. Lord No. I want to gain
recognition only to call attention to “zendurance” training and
racing as a valid path to spiritual fitness. Honest.
For 5 months
now my training has been meticulous. So has my nutrition.
Truth be told, I’m a real tri geek right now. I don’t eat
at restaurants and I rarely socialize. I’m either
training, resting or working. (Hence, I’ve been skipping
these blogs.) I am currently single, living 500 miles from my
nearest blood-family. That translates to few familial
responsibilities.
I confess:
This year I am putting all of my hopeful eggs into one basket –
the triathlon basket. Exhilarating? Heck yeah.
Terrifying? Absolutely. There is very little room in
my life right now for anything else. If I were injured
tomorrow, I could free-fall into disappointment, loneliness and
depression.
Note:
I composed this much of the blog on 11 May.
At 4:00 pm,
on 22 May, I nearly cracked every one of my hopeful triathlon
eggs: While training on my bike, I “T-boned” a pickup
truck, striking the passenger side door, just behind the mirror.
I was going 20 miles an hour. He was going 50.
I was up off
the pavement, carrying my bike to the side of the road before
the driver stepped from the pickup to find out if I was alive.
“I’m alright.” I was more concerned with the fact that my
fork was in three pieces than my apparent injuries. Two of
those pieces were attached to the front wheel, which I held in
my other hand, the one that hurt. I was distressed.
I was not going to finish this training session that I had
deemed so crucial to my goal race performance at Mooseman
Half-Iron just 12 days away.
I asked the
driver for a ride back to the shop, since the bike was
incapacitated. I tossed all the pieces into the bed and
got into the cab. He was trembling as he handed me an old
sweatshirt for my bleeding hand. “I didn’t think you saw
me”, he said. “I saw you but I misjudged your speed”, I
responded.
It was only
a 10-minute ride back to town. We introduced ourselves.
I calmly gave him directions around the road construction in
Lake Placid. When he dropped me off, he was still
trembling. “I can’t believe you’re so calm”, he said.
We both knew. I could be dead right now. “I guess
that’s because I’m still alive.”
The next few
days were strange. The “energy matrix” I had so carefully
concocted through the last 5 months of training was shattered.
And yes, I was injured. My left hand and wrist might be
broken. My right bicep was crimson where I had lost a
patch of skin the size of a piece of bread. It was also
deep purple from extensive bruising. Even tepid water felt
like concentrated acid on that arm. My left knee was cut
as well. I wrapped my hand and wrist in gauze and ace
bandages and went to work the next day. I decided not to
train. My guardian angels needed a day off.
I was
freefalling in the uncertainty. When would I train again?
When could I get my bike repaired? What about Mooseman
Half Iron in 12 days? I was aiming to qualify for ITU
Worlds Long Course to be held in France this summer.
Two days
after the “event”, I mounted my dedicated stationary bike with
Power Cranks for a 75-minute session that included 2 X 10:00 and
1 X 5:00 intervals at Zone 4-5. I transitioned to a
30-minute run, 20 at race pace. With just 1 minute to go,
my legs cramped big time and I hobbled the last bit, bent at the
knees. After a shower, a nap and some food, I went to the
medical clinic. (Let’s get the priorities straight here:
Training first, medical attention second.) The x-rays
revealed no broken bones in my swollen and bloody hand, but the
doctor indicated that the cuts could have been stitched.
I was very
fortunate to conduct some high-quality training less than 48
hours after colliding with a pickup going 50 miles an hour, but
I felt vulnerable and out of whack. The athlete and the
human being were not totally integrated with one another.
The human being needed quiet reflection, while the athlete
needed to balance recovery with short, high-intensity bouts of
fitness. There was still a remote chance of making the
starting line for Mooseman. Meanwhile, my job at High
Peaks Cyclery demanded absolute focus and high energy for bike
fit sessions and athlete consultation and service as the
triathlon season kicked into high gear. That included
riding the 56-mile loop of the Ironman bike course on an
entry-level rental road bike 5 days after impact.
Enough of
the details for this saga. I want to share some insight
from the experience. I spoke of the “energy matrix” above.
Specifically, it refers to the state of the neurological system,
which is literally a grid of electrical energy that provides a
resonating stasis for the body-heart-mind “unit” – the vehicle
we inhabit in this life. My physical injuries were only
minor-to-moderate. Granted, I did not swim for 5 days, and
when I did, my technique and my feel were off. My workouts
were just not quite there. My neural “energy matrix” did
not resonate evenly, so things were a bit skewed.
I recall the
moment just before I struck that dark green pickup. It was
one of wonder and uncertainty. Was I going to live through
this? If I did, how much incapacitation would I face?
How was this impact going to affect my exhilarating multi-sport
lifestyle?
I credit my
30 years of practicing T’ai chi with the incredible strength of
my neural system. I stayed very relaxed during the impact.
I’m certain that minimized the damage I sustained. I
remained calm, did not go into shock, and in fact taught the
T’ai chi class that very evening. In 12 days, I “reset”
the neural energy matrix to a functional resonance and enjoyed a
satisfying race performance at Mooseman, placing 5th
in my age group. ITU Worlds qualifying slots rolled down,
so I do have the opportunity to go to Europe.
I suppose
that’s a happy ending, huh? I raced well. However, I
do at times feel lonely. I miss the companionship of
marriage, the empowering synergy of family. I’m 50 years
old now. Will I ever dig out of this multi-sport tunnel
vision to regain these other vital and precious elements of
life? When I am 70, will I be bitter with the path I’ve
been navigating?
Endurance
exercise, especially the multi-sport synergy of triathlon is
a powerful practice towards spiritual fitness. As I read
more books on traditional paths to enlightenment and
mindfulness, I realize how familiar I am with the landscape of
spiritual growth. That is very encouraging. I tell
myself that this effort to live the zendurance lifestyle at
absolute “full-tilt” is a contribution to my athletic brothers
and sisters, as long as I continue to share my insights.
You
are my brothers and sisters, my o’hana, my companions. I
may not enjoy sharing food and conversation with you, or
replaying the day’s events. But, our multi-sport community
is a viable family. I so much enjoyed the companionship of
the Mooseman race – as I do every race, no matter how I perform.
Thanks for
sharing this lifestyle with me, for being my o’hana. Your
presence in my life is vital to finding that balance – the
balance between the glorious athlete and the ordinary, yet
divine human being.
Namaste, Shane
February 20, 2007
March, 2007
July, 2007
August, 2007
September,
2007
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